Islamic Family ethics & Challenge of Modernity

In Islam, family is a divinely-inspired institution and no intimate relationship between men and women is allowed outside the bond of marriage. Yet it is allowed to know one's future spouse before marital contract. How much can a person know about his/her future spouse without crossing the limit or compromising the Islamic family ethical values? Could there be a neutral 'friendly' relationship between a boy and a girl?

in my view,Islam is not so mean and extreme until boys and girls cannot be friend because they are Muslims. i think it is not Haram to like someone in works or college as long as they are concerned to their limits such the way they talk.girls should not soften their spoken until can attract man's desire(nafs). in term of relationship, instead of dating secretly, it has to go through the parents from the beginning, engagement and so forth.wallahua'lam..

yes, men and women can have a neutral relationship between them if they have the intention to marriage. From there, both of them can know each other but must in accordance of Islamic Shariah. Another way to know about his spouse, is through her close friends, relatives and her parents. From there, a men can know the characteristics and attitude of her future spouse.

The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
"When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

Sure a family is an institution which is long lasting and it have to be built based on trust. Yet, how can we trust our future spouse since we are not know them closer especially someone who are still we not familiar with. This may be a reason why people get couple before married. However, as what sister mashitah said, we could know further about our future spouse through his/her friends, relatives or parents and this way is better compared to couple with her/him in order to know her/him. In addition, someone tend to hide her/his true color when she/he is in front of her/his couple.
Regarding the friendly relationship between boys and girls, it is allowed as long as its doesn't exceed the limits of shari'ah.

Bismillahirrohmanirrohim.
In my point of view, there could be a normal relationship between boys and girls. Meaning to say, in the real life situation, it is inevitably to avoid such usual communication. However, we should always consider the limit that Islam has governed. For example, there is not permissible for a boy and a girl to go together only just two of them. In some extents, Islam permits that cross-gender relationship, such as in area of education, professional, or neighborhood. Further more, Islam consider such relationship is in the framework of brother-and-sister in Islam. Regarding the issue of in what extent we are allowed to know our future spouse is drawn in Islam as well. If we are already capable to get married (in terms of physical, psychological, and might be economically capabilities), Islam encourages us to search for the spouse in the right way. We can ask a favor to our parent, relatives or close-trusted friends. After that, we are allowed to know about him/her by doing "ta'aruf" or get to know each other in the way of Islam has thought us. If the process of ta'aruf, along with the prayer that we ask to ALLAH, is successful, we can proceed to the next step which is getting married. But if it is not, the process is end rightly.

Naturally we must acquaint ourselves with our future spouses to be as certain as possible that we suit. We can do so through properly chaperoned (in the company of responsible friends and/or family members) meetings as well as conversing with our future spouse's family and relations. Physical intimacies are to be strictly avoided.

Yes, I believe boys and girls can have platonic relationships. In both the work and educational environment we must cooperate to improve both our own and others standards. Also, speaking as an only child, I feel my close friends (both male and female) are like my brothers and sisters. Of course, women and men are never to be alone and must meet in the company of other people.

However, I also agree with our esteemed lecturer that one can be a friend to someone so long as one views that person as a friend. It is possible to grow fond of someone in the course of friendship. Of course avoiding that person like a social pariah would be far too an extreme a measure, nor do I think anyone who likes someone would be completely capable of doing that. However we do have to watch and moderate our behavior and take care to never be alone in the individual's company. In other words, since you no longer view the person as a friend you cannot treat the person as you would a friend. Also we must wait until we are certain that we are prepared to assume the responsibilities of marriage before we declare our intentions (that goes for the gentlemen as well as the ladies ) with marriage as the ultimate goal (to be pursued if one's proposal is successful). And if one fails I think that's another topic in itself and as one with no experience whatsoever of it I do not find myself equal to offering any comment.

From my opinion, I think there is no big problem if the men and women know each other before they get married as long as if they know the limit and adab and how to care themselves. For example if they want to go for ‘dating’ the women must bring the mahram. And the mahram should be a responsible person not just as to ‘cover line’. Then let the family know (especially the women’s family) with who their child close with, where and when they going out or ect.. I think if there a good communication and trust between the family and the child, they will not do something bad behind their parents.

About the neutral ‘friendly’ relationship between the boy and the girl. I think it should be ok. Unless they manipulate the meaning of ‘FRIEND’ itself. I’m quite interested when sir said what if your husband/ wife have the ‘friendly relationship’ with the opposite sex? Oh you must feel jealous right? It is comment actually. But the husband/ wife must know the limit and his/her responsibilities. They also should be aware with their partner’s feeling. I mean they should not be like before when they still single. Now their family is her/his priority.

Yes, it could be a relationship between a girl and a boy in order to get married soon.
but not a deep relationship such couple..what so ever, oh no no. HARAM.
in muslim tradition, there is an engagement which is a process for both of them to know each other.
But, they must follow the shari'ah rules, not to go beyond the limit.
ya, as my friends said in above statement, when they're meeting, it must has another person together with them, like her/his relatives, parents..

but it's better:
to know her/his behaviors n characteristics through their family or friends 1st.
and to preserve our iman n taqwa, especially our heart that brings to hablu minAllah wa hablu minannas.

Hhmmmmm......

Ustaz, u asked, "Could there be a neutral 'friendly' relationship between a boy and a girl?"...

r u asking if it is possible between a boy n a girl to be friends ONLY with each other without developing any kinds of feeling? in this case they called it platonic.

hmmmm....a challenging question.

i guess it is possible for only some people. with some other pair of boy n girl, its just not possible because they are of opposite gender and naturally opposite attracts

not that there is anything wrong with attraction. but if that just leads to something haram , then go find a same-gender friend

Bismillahirahmaanirrahiim.
Islam has allowed us to know our future life-partners as long as it is within the realm of the Islamic shariah. But how?
you can know your future partner through his or her family and friends. This is the most important aspect of trying to know your life partner, infact you might get a totally wrong picture by having a relationship since he or she will most probably show you his or her good side and will hide the weaknesses. Relationships between boys and girls are not encouraged at all in Islam because some can end up committing Zina. Some can argue that its okay for boys and girls 2 be "mutual friends" as long as their intentions are clean but usually this is not always true. For most of them the friendship grows into something intimate with time. Consequently this can grow into romance which is totally forbidden outside marriage. Allah has ordered us to keep away from Zina in all its aspects leave alone having a friendly relationship but just looking at opposite gender with desire is forbidden. This is so inevitable in a friendly relationship between a boy and a girl. Infact Allah ordered us to lower our gaze for both male and female lest we end up turnishing our chastity. Do you now see why "mutual friend" thing is not so encouraged?
Wllahu aalam.

From my understanding from reading the article related to the relationship between men and women before marriage by ustaz akhshah, he had an opinion saying that to know our future spouse is allowed but it cannot be too long and should not across what are prohibited by the shariah. It is a nature of human to love and to be loved. A true muslim should know his/her limit of knowing their future spouse before they get married. But, the real situation is sometimes contradicted with what has been thought by Islam. A lot of couples think that as long as they loved and have same intention to marry each other, they are allowed to across the limit. They break all the rules made by Allah. They do maksiat as they think that all bad things they done before get married will be eliminated as they get married. Related to the neutral ‘friendly’ relationship between a boy and a girl, I would say yes, it could.

Assalamualaikum. in my opinion, it is possible to know our future spouse. But, it doesn't mean that couple is the right way to get knowing each other. They may become friend until they feel they have chemistry so, that's it. Man should send his proposal. But, it is better to get permission from the family of the girl before knowing her. Being friend does not mean that we can be very close to each other. It is not the ticket for watching movie together or hang out together. It is just friend. Nothing special. To be the special one, nikah is the best way. Sometimes, we do not need to be friend with the person whom we admire, we can find the 3rd person that can be middle person between them. If they agreed to get married, then proceed. I think it is better to be like this.

In my point of view, men and women cannot have a neutral relationship between them as we all know that devils are everywhere around just to persuade us to do things that are not in line with the Shariah. We, human have feelings and its definitely hard to control it especially due to the modernisation where we are all exposed to all kinds of mind polluting substance. Therefore, men should have certain limits on knowing his future wife such as for example when they go for an outing, they should go in groups. and set a certain boundaries between them. Furthermore, I personally think that its better for a couple to know each other after marriage because with that they can accept all the goods and bad's. This is due to the fact that when a men and a women get together before marriage, they tend to hide their flaws and spouses usually will faced a hard time dealing with each other because they are used to the good things only and cannot accept the bad behaviour. thats all from me. Wassalam